Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Confessions of a Perfectionist

They say confession is good for the soul...

1. I almost didn't post this because I don't have a picture to show you.

2. I had to stop working on Lucy's quilt over the weekend because I was mad (really) at both the quilt and my sewing machine for not operating as I want. (The quilt is looking good, for my first attempt at quilting "all by myself" - but I want it to be perfect... I am learning as I go.)

3. I have picked up knitting again - but I am finding that I need a lot of practice for it to look nice. I am loosing steam and motivation.

4. I stress if my house is not clean - it is usually tidy, items put away ect. But if it is not "clean" (by my standards) I can't sit still.

5. I like to know what my future holds. I have always been a planner (and I married one too) - I like to know what my day/week/month/year is going to look like. If there is "fuzzyness" in the plans, or a "black hole" after a certain date - I don't like it. In the past months, God has been clearly calling both Brad and I to trust Him with decisions that will impact the next few years of our life. It is scary. It is confusing. It has grown our faith. This lesson is not over yet - we are still learning.

6. I used to try to control my spiritual life and I failed miserably. God, ever patient with me, has brought me on a journey, teaching me that I can not "perfect my salvation" - an amazing grace filled, Spirit begun work (Galatians 3:3). He will bring my salvation to completion, not in my timing, but "on the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6). There seems to be a fine line between super-action and passivity in the Christian walk and I don't want to be on ether side of that spectrum. My goal is to live a life that is both full of faith (trusting that God will do and act in his timing) and faithfulness (taking action, acting in obedience) - much like the old Hymn, "Trust and obey, for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus." There really is "nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9), others have walked this road before me and God's faithfulness has sustained them too.

I am learning how to give myself "grace" (aka. permission to fail and/or permission not to have the end result turn out perfectly)
with the petty, everyday things in life. I am learning how to trust the Lord, waiting on His timing, and walk in obedience to the life He has called me to.

Are you a perfectionist too? Has it spilled into your spiritual life? Are the lessons God has been teaching us/me lessons God has taught/is teaching you?


christy said...

yeah, i'm so with you on this one. i'm reading 2 books about this right now: "truefaced," about letting go of the need to have it all together in your walk with God & "life is too short to fold fitted sheets" about not obsessing over the state of your home. :)

Sarah said...

I have read "TrueFaced" - a great book about living in community with other Believers. The other one you are reading sounds funny - you'll have to let me borrow it once your done (Although I do love folding fitted sheets). :)