Our due date is in 4 weeks.
Looking back a few months, we didn't even know we were pregnant when we were 4 weeks along. Now, 32 weeks have passed and I find myself 36 weeks pregnant, suddenly very aware how real this upcoming change is.
I know that many changes are in our future. Right now, I am not worried about transitioning to life with a baby. I am in awe of the miracle of it all. The realness of it. I am so excited about being a mom. Having a baby is something that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl - I spent hours playing with "Baby Pam," pretending to be a mommy. I was even disciplined as a little girl for not disciplining my baby doll in a Godly way.... lol - true story. :) But now I am on the brink of having a real-live baby to care for, and although there is no earthly-parent who disciplines me now, I have a Heavenly Father who still corrects my behavior and shapes my .
I was struck this last Sunday in church as portions of Psalm 139 were read aloud.
1O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
The Lord knows my little girl. Even now as she is still in my womb. He knows her character, her temperament and her personality. It is this knowledge that, at this moment, gives me peace about raising Lucy.
I trust that the God who knows her, so intimately, will give Brad and I the strength we need to raise her up in the knowledge of Him. I trust He will supply us with grace when we are deficient, so that we can get through difficult days. I trust that He will give us the wisdom we need to gently correct and discipline. I know I (we) will make mistakes. Parenting is not easy. But it is a huge privilege.
It is comforting to know that God knows me too - I agree with David when he writes in Psalm 139:6, the knowledge that You intimately know me "is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." My Heavenly Father knows where my deficiencies lie. He knows where I am weak. He knows my character and what has the ability to stress and frustrate me. I cling to the promise that God gave Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9, emphasis mine).
I know as a mom, all I will have to offer Lucy on some days is my weakness. I hope and pray, that those days will be the best days of our relationship, because those days will be the days that we have to rely on God's power to get us through the mundane and normal events.
God knows you too. He knows your weaknesses. His grace can meet you in your moments, or days of weakness. He is sufficient.